Anonymous shush: Me, ate. I want to be friends with you ;) and not just because of your writings (though they are undeniably beautiful) ;)

Thank you; this makes me very, very happy! Why are you on anon though? Hahaha. :D

12:00 A.M.

Sometimes, I miss you,
but not because I want you back.

It’s just that the memories
we shared were beautiful—
and we put them all to waste
without any second thoughts.

(I still wish we had a closure.

But I guess we never really had
anything to put an end to when we
never really started on anything.)

Sometimes, I miss you,
but not because I want to feel 
your hand up my spine again.

It’s just that I still keep wondering
why you chose to do what you did,
why you left even when you promised me
you would stay.

Sometimes, I miss you,
but not because I still have feelings for you.

It’s just that maybe we could’ve ended things better.

Anonymous shush: people who entangle themselves in the kind of love that destroys are really in deep trouble. love shouldn't be destructive in the first place. love is built on understanding, trust, faith, humility, respect, patience and other principles. love is never easy, and it's something people have to work hard for to sustain. people who think that depending on the person they love--clinging onto them, clasping onto their souls like they own them--are really scary people.

I think love is just as destructive as hate. It is impossible to not get anything broken when you love: because when you love, you open several parts of you that you have never opened up to anyone before. And because love has the tendency to destroy, it’s only natural that some people would believe it to be a terrifying experience. Love is pain—and hope—romanticized. 

I’ve always been good at leaving.
People call it running away;
I call it self-defense.
I have walls around me that are
set up too high for anyone to climb.
Sometimes I even wonder
if they exist to keep everyone out—
or if they exist to keep everyone from me.
It’s better if you don’t come any closer;
I seem to have a talent for seeing the end to my relationships,
and being the one behind the trigger.
No, this is not some bad habit
you could slap out of my hand,
some piece of cigarette stick
you could swat away from my lips.
So leave while you still can,
and when you finally get the chance to,
promise me you won’t look back.

theunknown6701 shush: I think you've just changed my world a little bit with your writing.. I write myself.. not as well as you but I do, and I've come to realize that some people write because they want to, or like to and then some people well we write because we must, because it's bubbling out of looking to be spilled out across the pages.. some of us just have to write.. thanks for sharing you writing and letting it change me!

I hope you don’t mind that I published this. But this message is for keeps. Thank you. Thank you so much. I hope we both keep on writing no matter what. 

Anonymous shush: Can you write about long distance relationships?

Yes, I could. I’ll try.

Anonymous shush: Thank you for making me feel like love is worthy of having. You inspire me so much.

I’m glad I made you feel this way. I should be the one thanking you.

Past tense

I am retracing my steps.
Here is where I fell for you the first time.
You were wearing a dimpled half smile
and your eyes were two upside down Us.
You touched my heart and I didn’t think
that flowers could bloom in dark and hollow spaces.
I warned you about how I was a raging storm
and you just shrugged me off, saying,
storms don’t last forever.
Here. Here is where I fell for you—
you in your favorite red sweater.
You said, some people are just meant to be together,
and I kind of hoped you meant people like us.
Maybe you thought we were part of that percentage.
I am retracing my steps,
and I can almost hear our laughter.
We shared dreams over television dinner.
We joked about how we might end up with one another,
if no one else takes us.
Deep down, I said yes.
Deep down, I said yes,
because I never really wanted anyone else.

You may be prettier,
thinner, and boys may be 
giving you a lot of attention,

but believe me when I tell you:
you’re just another rag doll
with a pretty face but an ugly heart.

Unlike you,
I have never given anyone
a reason to hate on themselves.

You think you’re better than 
everyone else just because people
like you for the way you look?

It’s sad how your mother never
taught you that beauty is only skin deep.

You’re rotting inside. 
You’re rotten to the core.

How I pity you.

I never expected this.
I never wanted to have someone to answer to.
Someone who would be a reason not to do things
I wouldn’t have sworn myself off of just to get a high.
Someone who would ask my whereabouts when it’s
two a.m. and I’m out there trying to get through
a cold night alone and feeling less alive by the minute.

But now, here you are:
someone I could run to when it’s three a.m.,
and I am shivering. 

I had a past 
but you kissed my sins away
when you said, “I want you, despite.”

I want you, despite.
Those were the prettiest words I’ve ever heard.
Because all my life, the words were always
"I want you, but—"

We’ve had our fair share of doubts,
but I am no longer hesitating.

I now understand why I never found you in some stranger’s lips.

If I’m going to settle down with you
and make myself vulnerable with each passing day,
then so be it. If it means losing my fearless, reckless
days and my one-night stands, then so be it.

I’ll be yours even if it’s a promise I have to fulfill 
every day I get to spend with you, and I know
it’s hard to believe coming from someone like me.

But I mean it. 

If it means sharing my independence with you,
then so be it. If it means an extra plate on my table,
or telling the waiter “for two”, then so be it.
If it means sharing my favorite cake,
then so be it. It’s all yours. 

Your wardrobe will be filled with my stuff 
and your toothbrush will have a place beside mine.
We will fight over who should wake up first
to cook breakfast in the morning, and
who gets to choose the movie first for the night.
There will always be a spot reserved for you.
Things will be broken, furniture will be moved, bags will be packed,
and we’ll make a mess out of ourselves eventually,
but I know that this is for keeps.
We will linger.

If there’s anything at all that I learned from loving you,
it’s ‘not giving up on the one thing you are certain of’. 

You are the one person that’s ever made me realize
what I never realized with anyone else:

love still exists.

©CP